Like: That Every Day, Some Individual Looks Up My Blog Under the Search Term: “Fuck Her” and Clicks On It … EVERY DAY

May 16, 2008

I don’t know who you are random blog reader, but I find your devotion to this blog incredible and commendable. But what I do find odd is your use of the search term “fuck her” repetitively. Is there some kind misogynistic thing going on? Perhaps instructional? Or is it a simple way of finding my blog? I don’t even know how that gets you to my blog anyhow, but apparently it does.

I find this whole saga fascinating, please dutiful reader, clarify your intentions to me! I thank you!


Don’t Like: Being Too Busy To Blog

May 16, 2008

Crazy busy.


Like: The Phrase “mama’s watching her stories”

May 15, 2008

It’s really a Simpson’s quote from one of the Lisa in the future flash-forwards. She’s super-fat, in a hammock, and married to Ralph. She refers to TV as “watcher her stories” and it’s funny.

Thus, whenever i hear “watching his/her/my stories” I pretty much laugh my ass off.

Thank you Simpsons.


Don’t Like: Law and Order/CSI

May 15, 2008

I have a pretty low tolerance for bad writing.

Like almost all shows of this nature, the first few seasons of this episodic were reasonably decent. The problem is the success of the cop/lawyer shows are almost entirely dependent on a continuation of effort otherwise the procedural gets way too repetitive. No matter how talented a writer you may be, if you don’t strive for something with authenticity (or as a backup, originality) then you’re doomed to inevitable boredom.

And Law and Order is doomed. I caught an episode recently while I was waiting for the Celtics game to start and my god, what an awful show. The whole “generic cop talk” stuff was mind-numbing. We’ve raised a generation of writers whose entire knowledge of police come from previous police television. It really shows. But due to the high volume of cop shows (and spin-offs) that do this, the stuff actually gets a pass. It’s inexcusable. God forbid you observe reality and get at something remotely interesting. I understand you have to contribute to the drama, but when has making no sense “added to the drama”? Seriously CSI could basically patent the non-sensical double twist.

Even worse, the CSI effect has had an awful effect on juries. They now expect dna and microfiber evidence in EVERY single case. This trend is rather well documented and police/prosecutors are absolutely furious. Not only are these shows annoying to watch, they’re crippling our justice system.

Fuck you bad writers.

And fuck you producers. You green-lighted a Law and Order spin off people simply refer to as “the rape show”.

… sigh

Oh well. I always have Homicide and The Wire.


Like: Bridge

May 15, 2008

Bridge… the sport of old ladies! And apparently some college students.

One night my sophomore of year of college my friend Dwigget taught us how to play bridge. We were suspect at first, but honestly up for anything so we played… and played… and played. Soon there were nightly bridge games lasting hours and hours and about 8 of were in the rotation.

It really is a wonderful game. One of those games that’s about strict perfection of memory, planning, and intuition. It’s about being on the same wavelength with your partner and having a lot of patience. It’s about having a place to drink gin. It’s rather different from poker even though memory is just as important, while poker is kind of the center for showboating, bridge is completely about subtle execution. Most of the time all four people know exactly how the game is going to play out and it’s about picking the exact ways to take advantage of what might be a single opportunity to bring your opponent down.

It really is one of my favorite card games. Unfortunately, I’ve never, ever, ever met anyone else under the age of 40 who knows how to play. Y’all don’t know what you’re missing.

I <3 Bridge.


Don’t Like: Arlen Specter

May 14, 2008

http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=3395829

Seriously Dude? Still. You’re fucking still harping on Spygate? You want a full-on investigation like the mitchell report? FUCK YOU.

Everyone keeps digging and digging and digging and they just keep coming up with the same thing the Pats told Goodell in the beginning. He already gave them the HARSHEST penalty ever given by the NFL. What the fuck else do you want? Worse, you’re a self-professed die-hard Eagles fan and you’re getting into this over some fanboy bullshit. STOP WASTING CONGRESSIONAL MONEY.

The story is over. It was over after Matt Walsh contributed nothing new.

You’re the official fuck-stick of the week. Go hang out with Jay Mariotti. You should fawn over your mutual hate of the Patriots and give each other handjobs.


Like: Antidisestablishmentarianism

May 14, 2008

Wiki defines:

Antidisestablishmentarianism (listen to British sample , American sample ) is a political position that originated in nineteenth-century Britain, where antidisestablishmentarians were opposed to proposals to remove the Church of England’s status as the state church of England forwarded principally by both Payne and Tuffin.

The movement succeeded in predominantly Anglican England, but failed overwhelmingly in Roman Catholic Ireland – where the Church of Ireland was disestablished in 1871 – and in Wales whose Church of Wales was disestablished in 1920. Antidisestablishmentarian members of the Free Church of Scotland delayed merger with the United Presbyterian Church of Scotland in a dispute about the position of the Church of Scotland.

The term has largely fallen into disuse, although the issue itself is still current (see Act of Settlement 1701).


Don’t Like: Crystal Meth

May 13, 2008

Since drugs seem to be so incredibly popular… here’s some interesting info on the latest drug epedemic that is on the decline: Crystal Meth!

History

Methamphetamine was first synthesized from ephedrine in Japan in 1893 by chemist Nagayoshi Nagai.[3] In 1919, crystallized methamphetamine was synthesized by Akira Ogata via reduction of ephedrine using red phosphorus and iodine. The related compound amphetamine was first synthesized in Germany in 1887 by Lazăr Edeleanu.

World War II

One of the earliest uses of methamphetamine was during World War II when the German military dispensed it under the trade name Pervitin.[4] It was widely distributed across rank and division, from elite forces to tank crews and aircraft personnel. Chocolates dosed with methamphetamine were known as Fliegerschokolade (”flyer’s chocolate”) when given to pilots, or Panzerschokolade (”tanker’s chocolate”) when given to tank crews. From 1942 until his death in 1945, Adolf Hitler was given frequent intravenous injections of methamphetamine by his personal physician, Theodor Morell as a treatment for depression and fatigue. It is possible that it was used to treat Hitler’s speculated Parkinson’s disease, or that his Parkinson-like symptoms which developed from 1940 onwards were related to use of methamphetamine.[5]

Also the drug makes your heart explode. Or as it’s commonly referred to on the internet… asplode!


Like: This Japanese Television Special

May 13, 2008

It kind of reminds me of that King of the Hill episodes where bobby takes the RAD classes and kicks all the school yard bullies in the nads while screaming “I DON’T KNOW YOU! THAT’S MY PURSE!”


Don’t Like: Bud Light Lime, Seriously?

May 12, 2008

I’m kind of barfing looking at this picture.

First off, bud light is disgusting. It’s swilled piss and lack-luster carbonation. It’s like drinking toilet water only it doesn’t hydrate you, make you drunk, and just makes you pee. Add in the fact that I’m not really a big corona with a lime in it guy, then this is definitely a bad idea. I picture it tasting all chemically and awful like Diet Coke w/ Lime or some other awful product created in a lab.

Refreshing? Picture the opposite of refreshing… that would be Bud Light Lime.