Like: My Blovation

That’s a blog vacation.

This shit is hectic. Plus, I’m writing a couple of really long-winded ones, so I’ll work on those.

So no bloggie today.

Out, bitches.

Don’t Like: Defective Coffee Lids (PART II)

I have a temper about the weirdest shit. It rarely, rarely, rarely comes out and it’s almost never directed at humans. Why not humans? Cause I can usually understand the fallacy of human error and chalk it up to individual interest (basically objectivism). No, what usually gets me angry is incredibly stupid stuff like traffic patterns, or in the case of today: THE SAME FUCKING DEFECTIVE COFFEE LID.

This is BS man. I got some coffee (which again, I rarely do) and didn’t even fill it up all the way. I put the lid on. Walked outside. INSTANTLY SPILLING OUT BOTH SIDES OF THE CUP. Luckily, I was smart enough to bring napkins this time to help take care of the mess. I had to pour out a bunch of the coffee out into the trash to even get it mobile. Lo and behold, I get into the elevator and the lid starts spitting out coffee when I’m pretty much perfectly still. My hand continues to burn and I finally get upstairs to my office. I pour more out (i have like 1/2 a cup by now) and finally sit down to drink this thing because I’m tired and desperately need caffeine.

I check to be sure the lid is on extra tight again. I raise it up… instantly spilling out from underneath the lid and onto my jeans.

Needless to say I hurled that fucking cup across my cube. Yes, it was at my trash can and it went in, but coffee is now everywhere. I made a half hearted attempt to clean it up but now it just smells like coffee.

Now this is usually the point where you suspect someone has an anger problem. But like I said, I only do about the weirdest shit. And I don’t even care, cause that coffee lid can totally kiss my ass. How can we not make coffee lids that work?!??!!

So why don’t you analyze me interwebs! ANALYZE THIS!

Also Way Like: Bird. Magic. New Split Screen Commercial.

Yeah these commercials have been overdone. But finally one is full of awesome.

Bonus points: Bird looks awful.

Exta Bonus points: Bird said he felt like a dork after doing it.

Don’t Like: Hillary Supporters Turned McCain Supporters

So, to the aforementioned, let me get this straight… you’re going to abandon Hillary, your beloved candidate, who is for/represents the following: universal healthcare, pro-choice, gun control, strategic removal from Iraq, raising taxes for the funding of schools/police/fire departments, investigating gas price manipulation, the creation of green collar jobs, and lenient on immigration .

… And you’re going to vote for McCain, a candidate who stands for/represents the following: privatized health care, pro-life, against gun control, long term military presence in Iraq and probably Iran, keeping taxes low, no new global warming legistlation, and has a hard stance on immigration.

In other words, they’re complete political opposites.

How, in the name of all that is good and holy, could you possibly do that? It’s akin to saying “I don’t care what a candidate represents whatsoever, just if I identify with them and will even vote for someone else out of spite.” It’s unfathomable to me.

Is the presidential office a game of “who’s your nominee?” NO! There are candidates who fall much more in line with Hillary’s viewpoint. The closest? Yup. Barack Obama. They are nearly identical in political policy and if the direction of the country is important to you (isn’t that core of what politics is supposed to be about?. If Obama lost the nomination I would have voted for Hillary in a millesecond. That’s how similar they are.

But the perceived damage that has been done in this primary election is too much for some. I don’t understand this. Many supporters seem to be confusing the sexist comments being brandied about the internet message boards/blogs/quotes in articles as being Obama-centric. That could not be further than the truth as most of that is coming from conservative users and websites (or morning asinine radio shock jocks). Believe it or not, this has actually been pretty tame as far as bad tactics and insults go from the actual Candidates. It’s been hard fought and long, that’s for sure, but hardly as dirty as even 2004.

If you absolutely cannot vote for Obama there are a host of 3rd party candidates from the following who fall much more in line with Hillary’s policy: the Working Family’s Party, the Independence Party of America, the Centrist Party, and the Peace and Freedom Party.

*My friend Edu is the only who makes a good point on the issue by saying [to paraphrase] that the failure to elect Hillary has deeply shaken his confidence in the Democratic party and he thinks they have made a critical mistake. But still, the idea of voting for McCain is taking it too far. It’s much more legitimate to simply not vote at all.

Don’t Like: The Recent Fox News Speculation on Michelle Obama’s Video of Her Saying “Whitey” When She’s Really Saying “Why’d He…”

Fox News is ALREADY pimping out the info about an alleged tape in which Michelle Obama said: “Whitey cut Medicare, Whitey put us in Iraq for no reason, Whitey do nothing about Katrina!”

This is hilarious. A bunch of bloggers, using a simple search for quotes on the internet revealed that this was in fact her talking about Bush and saying: “Why’d he cut Medicare? Why’d he put us in Iraq for no reason? Why’d he do nothing about Katrina?”

Way to go, misunderstanding the way people talk! Yeah, that’s right I used misunderstanding the way people talk as a noun. Deal with it.

Don’t Like: People Ruthlessly Making Fun of Sarah Jessica Parker and Sex and the City While Not Being Actually Funny and Just Coming Off Like Sexist Assholes When Just Not Caring or Having Something Genuinely Funny To Say Would Be Reasonably Appropriate

The Sex And The City movie comes out tomorrow. As such, the influx of advertising has caused a tensing up in the sphincters of good ole’ American Boys across the country. Just on the radio yesterday I heard a series of dreadfully stupid guys tearing the entire thing a new one. The internet is lashing into this fucker like a sadistic prick that it is (yes I just called the Internet a sadistic prick). The conversations are everywhere. I’ve had a few interesting ones on the merits of the series/image/culture of SATC with some male friends, but mostly I’ve been listening to a non-stop parade of asshats make fun of it.

And it seems to amount to one kind of behavior, to quote Devin Faraci: “Ewwww! It’s a Girl Movie!”

Seriously people, what the fuck?

Why does the entire idea of a movie about fashion, dating, and older women make you want to be a colossal jerkass? Who cares? It’s just a movie and you don’t have to see it. Do you know how many movies are aimed at our (men’s) interests? About 88%. And most of those interests are borderline retarded. The other 11% of movies aimed at women are pandering romantic comedies that work so poorly that they make me want to dig up Charles Lederer’s corpse so he can start scripts again. And that leaves a measly 1% of movies that are for women and have a decent shot of being somewhat interesting. Sex and the City has a good shot at being in that 1% so what’s the big problem?

I’ve actually heard the movie isn’t that good, but that’s kind of irrelevant. What’s may be more relevant is my defensive stance probably comes from the fact that I enjoyed the show. I’ve seen every episode and once I let down my guard I realized the series has a a nice absorbing nature to it. Most of the time, it’s genuinely funny. The writing is cute but undoubtedly sharp. My favorite aspect is how brave the actresses are. This may sound lame, but it’s not. They’re completely unafraid to make themselves look silly/unglamourous (rather interesting for a show perceived as glamorous) and they realize that playing it straight is the way to go. Sure the show’s run has had some problems, but they’ve hardly been dehabilitating. While I don’t think the 1/2 hour format will lend well to a movie, none of that really matters. Mostly because there’s a lot of assumptions being tossed about and most of them aren’t really that accurate. SATC is not shallow. Sometimes they do deal with a shallow world/setting, but often it’s about the reality of those situations.

There’s also a lot of people bitching about how Sarah Jessica Park is ugly. This I don’t understand. She’s not ugly. Yeah, her face is a little weird, or unique depending on your view (the NYTimes called it “cubist”)… But that’s it. And most of the time she’s lighted fine on the show so it’s a completely non-issue. She happens to be a good actress who totally sells her part. Put in whatever dumbass girl you think is hot in the role (jessica alba for example) and it would fail… miserably. And even if you do think SJP’s ugly, what the hell does that have to with SATC being the hellspawn of satan? The best part of this is the majority of the negative reaction is largely confined to geek movie internet sites, where I can only guess they’ve never even conversed with someone as attractive as SJP in their entire lives.

The whole thing is adding up to this weird contrarian/backlash/sexist reaction that comes off as pretty asinine.

Look, I’m not above making fun anything. EVERYTHING is fair game. Just realize there’s an art to making fun of things that will reflect your maturity/personality. The funniest comment about SATC actually comes from Family Guy where they say “So this show is about three hookers and their mom?” That’s hilarious.

Comparing SJP to Mr. Ed and talking about how that movie must suck cause they’re old whores who like fashion is not. The “Ewww! It’s a girl movie!” shit has got to stop.

I’m talkin to you internets.

Don’t Like: Both forms of SPAM

New Rule: From now on, All Future Things Also Named SPAM MUST Be Bad.

Agreed? Agreed.

SPAM sucks balls. It tastes bad. It clogs up emails (despite Gmail’s herculean efforts) and just generally makes me sad.

Like: That Every Day, Some Individual Looks Up My Blog Under the Search Term: “Fuck Her” and Clicks On It … EVERY DAY

I don’t know who you are random blog reader, but I find your devotion to this blog incredible and commendable. But what I do find odd is your use of the search term “fuck her” repetitively. Is there some kind misogynistic thing going on? Perhaps instructional? Or is it a simple way of finding my blog? I don’t even know how that gets you to my blog anyhow, but apparently it does.

I find this whole saga fascinating, please dutiful reader, clarify your intentions to me! I thank you!

Don’t Like: Being Too Busy To Blog

Crazy busy.

Don’t Like: That I’m Losing My Moral Compass Playing Grand Theft Auto 4

This game is so freaking awesome. But it’s completely enveloping. As such, I found myself walking down the street yesterday and figuring out the best way to steal the approaching SUV. I also was wondering if I could pick off those bums on the corner with a sniper rifle from here. I wasn’t even realizing it at the time either, I was just so in the world of the game.

Scary stuff.

But like I said, holy crap is this a totally fantastic game.