Like: Rock Band

So this is how it went:

A bunch of video game designers were sitting around in their awesomeness and went:

“Hey let’s invent the greatest party game ever!”

“Okay, how about a game where you play simplified musical instruments collectively as a rock band”

“And we can use popular/totally awesome songs!”

“Cool, and we’ll make different difficulties so you can totally show off or if you’ve never played you’d be okay after two tries!”

“Or even play when you’re drunk!”

“Especially if you’re drunk!”

“And we could actually make the drums give you some of the same skills needed to drum”

“Not the guitar though”

“No, not the guitar”

“And you wouldn’t even really have to know the words! Just the basic tune!”

“And we’ll have the vocals real low so people’s awful, awful voices don’t ruin it!”

“And we could actually teach people the value of pitch since it’s the only thing the mic could measure!”

“BAD ASS! LET’S DO IT”

“Dude, be sure Gimme Shelter is one of the songs!”

***

Sure there were 2 versions of guitar hero as the progenitor to this so it was really just the next logical step in the evolution, but I still like this version of the events.

Like: Drug Addicted Front-Men

Jim Morrison. Kurt Cobain. Freddy Mercury. Scott Wieland. Lou Reed. Axl Rose. John Lennon or Paul McCartney. Layne Staley. Nick Drake. Michael Clarke. Chet Baker. Sonny Clark. Winston Churchill.

If there’s anything that these men have taught me. It’s that drugs can make you a better singer-songwriter-musician-type-guy. Just look at their body of work. If these people weren’t on drugs they would have been off going something lame with their lives instead of exploding minds with thought bombs. So suck on that g.

BAM.

GUEST BLOG BY PUDDY: Don’t Like: Genocide

The modern world contains many inconveniences and annoyances. Between grand-standing politicians, annoying TV personalities, and rising gas prices, it seems like there’s no shortage of ways in which society can bring me down. That being said, nothing quite sticks in my craw like the deliberate and systematic extermination of a national, racial, political, or cultural group.

For instance, it was recently reported that Steven Spielberg has withdrawn as an artistic adviser to the 2008 Olympics, due to China’s inaction in regards to Darfur. Way to go genocide! Now he’ll probably be replaced with Michael Bay or something, and the Opening Ceremonies will culminate in the torch being lit by an RPG fired by Josh Hartnett.

Unfortunately, genocide is nothing new, and although historians have debated about when exactly the first genocide occurred, it is generally agreed upon that the Armenian Genocide of 1915-1917 was the first genocide of modern times. The genocide began when the Ottoman Empire was defeated by Russian forces in the early days of World War I, and the Ottoman military blamed the loss on Armenians who collaborated with Russian forces. Now right now you’re all probably thinking: “They were collaborating with the enemy. They had to be destroyed. What else could they have done?”. Now normally I’d agree with you, but here’s the thing: THEY WEREN’T REALLY TO BLAME FOR THE OTTOMAN EMPIRE’S LOSSES. THEY WERE JUST BEING SCAPEGOATED BY THE MILITARY TO DEFLECT BLAME FROM THEMSELVES. All of a sudden genocide doesn’t sound like such a good idea, huh? Hundreds of thousands of Armenians were killed just because the Turkish military didn’t want to accept responsibility for their failures. Talk about an overreaction!

Another annoying thing about genocide is that it’s so awful that other atrocities get overlooked. People may suspect that the days before genocide were a simple, peaceful time. However, this simply isn’t the case. Society was replete with all sorts of terrible crimes that struck horror in the heart of men. Things such as stagecoach robbery, pretty girls being tied to railroad tracks, and muttonchopicide (the forcible removal of mutton chops). However, nowadays, you don’t hear as much about these things because the public can only process so much horror before it grows indifferent. But does that make a man being ambushed by a band of Comanches any less tragic?

Now don’t get me wrong, we’ve all had times where we wanted to commit genocide (I’ve wanted to get rid of “Lord of The Rings” fans for years now), but history has shown that it never really works out. Much like suicide, it’s a permanent solution to a temporary problem. If instead of flipping out and killing everyone, the Turks had sat down with the Armenians and had a frank & open exchange of views, things might have turned out a lot better for everyone. It may be tempting to think that genocide only affects small groups of social undesirables, but history has shown us otherwise. Genocide is something that truly affects us all, by forcing us to wear ugly ribbons and/or wristbands.

Helpful Hint: To find the nearest genocide, go to a local college campus and find a liberal arts major. He/she can give you a long-winded spiel about the nature of the conflict, and make you feel guilty about not donating money to help.

Fun Fact: Everyone knows about the Holocaust, but did you know that there have been plenty of other not-nearly-as-interesting genocides? For example, in Rwanda in the 90’s, tensions between the Hutu majority and Tutsi minority escalated to the point where…oh fuck it, it’s too boring.

Silver lining: The ending to “Future Legend” off of Diamond Dogs, where David Bowie goes “This ain’t rock n’ roll! THIS IS GENOCIDE!!” is pretty sweet.

Author’s Note: Although Kate Nash has no known ties to genocide, I found the picture irresistibly adorable.

Like: Late Period Clash

This era (pretty much 1980 on) was regarded as a weird period for The Clash where they kind of went New Wave and really keyed into the Reggae/Calypso influences. It turned off a good deal of their hard-core punk base and sounded distinctively like they were selling out (beyond that which the hardcore fans claimed before). The thing is it was probably their most interesting creative period. I especially like the way the upbeat, synth tones “clashed” with gruesome/frank/bold nature of their lyrics. The two best examples of this are Somebody Got Murdered and Washington Bullets. For example:

“Oh! mama, mama look there!
Your children are playing in that street again
Dont you know what happened down there?
A youth of fourteen got shot down there
The kokane guns of jamdown town
The killing clowns, the blood money men
Are shooting those washington bullets again

As every cell in chile will tell
The cries of the tortured men
Remember allende, and the days before,
Before the army came
Please remember victor jara,
In the santiago stadium,
Es verdad - those washington bullets again”

-Washington Bullets, Sandinista!

Like: She and Him

You know that unspoken rule that Actresses should never, ever sing? On top of that, that they should never write songs and make an album? Well meet the exception to the rule.

Zooey Deschanel is a great actress and damn if she can’t sing pretty too! She’s teamed up with M. Ward to make some really great music. I’ve been listening to their Album “Volume 1″ for the last 24 hours. There’s a simple folkiness to it and while her voice sounds a bit like Loretta Lynn at some points, the songs themselves are reminiscent of 60’s pop. There’s some bits of Dusty Springfield and Petula Clark in there and it’s just fantastic.

Check some songs out

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=360527200

Like: Kate Nash’s Accent

It’s hard to get up here and and exclaim the laurels of a british pop singer with a handful of songs and shitload of hype. It’s just not in my genes. Plus they tend to be one and done affairs who’s only subsequent work ends up in tabloid columns (witness: lily allen, joss stone, amy winehouse… seriously that’s just the recent ones, it’s an epidemic). She doesn’t so much sing as kind of wade through hypnotic melodies with the thickest freakin london accent I can remember in a song… that wasn’t punk.

So I like it. It’s neat.

UPDATE: Since this post has ended up being unfathomably popular. I’ll add a few more thoughts. After listening a lot more closely, she’s actually a decent song writer.  We’re not talking Dylan poeticism here or anything, but she has a nice sense of honesty, diction, and lyrical turn.  She actually reminds me a lot of Jenny Lewis of Rilo Kiley. And holy crap they kinda look like each other too.

Enjoy:

Like: M.I.A. and “Paper Planes”

Yeah, yeah. This woulda been more indie-cool of me to post a month ago. But I didn’t have this blog then. So screw you, jerk-ass. M.I.A. is awesome. She makes good music. She’s from Sri Lanka. She’s kinda nuts. She films videos with little kid gangsters from 3rd world countries. Her dad is labeled a terrorist by the US Gov. Best of all she’s this tiny young woman who sings about dealing, dropping bodies, and organizing a drug empire. Bad. Ass. Sure, she probably doesn’t do any of that stuff but that’s irrelevant. Compounding the awesomeness, her single “Paper Planes” was recently used in the red band trailer for Pineapple Express, the equally awesome new apatow/rogen movie I saw and loved. ON TOP OF THAT, some of her lyrics like “Hit me on my burner pre-paid wireless” makes me think she watches The Wire. Again… Awesome.