Like: My Reality Show Ideas

Puddy and I have recently started a television production company (note: not an actual company). Here’s our upcoming Reality TV Pilots:

Blind Date (Lupus Edition)

Are You Smarter Than A Vietnam Veteran?

America’s Next Top Actuary

Keeping Up With The Vigodas

The Littlest Rapist

Real Gun or Toy Gun: Riding with the NYPD - (”6 white kids and 6 black kids and the cops have to make a split-second decision…or else!”)

America’s Got AIDS

Dancing With The Un-Employably Homeless

Ernest Borgnine Is 93 And Widowed

White Collar Prison Break- (Mostly just dragging appeals process: “12 white collar criminals, 12 highly-paid teams of lawyers….who will prevail?”)

The Amazing Race! - (it’s just Japanese people doing math, and like, karate… [apparently this is similar to a zack galafanakis joke. apologies])

Wife Swap (For Realz tho)

The Real Alan Alda - (The legend himself competes with 10 impersonators, who’s the real one???)

Stuff In Slow Motion - (bullets, fat people… you name it)

What Wouldn’t A Paparrazo Do? - (show will be shelved after 3 episodes and a vicious string of child murders)

To Catch a Prostitute - (pilot didn’t work as Chris Hanson just ended up fucking them and letting them go)

Idea Painfully Joked About 3 Years Ago, but Now Is Totally Happening In Front of Your Eyes - That’s right. Look for this shit soon.

How am I not kidding? Real life anecdote: A unnamed network was going to do a real prison break show with 12 inmates in jail who had previously escaped from a prison. If they won the money would have went to their victims… This had a green light but was held up in OBVIOUS legal issues.

Don’t Like: Crystal Meth

Since drugs seem to be so incredibly popular… here’s some interesting info on the latest drug epedemic that is on the decline: Crystal Meth!

History

Methamphetamine was first synthesized from ephedrine in Japan in 1893 by chemist Nagayoshi Nagai.^[3] In 1919, crystallized methamphetamine was synthesized by Akira Ogata via reduction of ephedrine using red phosphorus and iodine. The related compound amphetamine was first synthesized in Germany in 1887 by Lazăr Edeleanu.

World War II

One of the earliest uses of methamphetamine was during World War II when the German military dispensed it under the trade name Pervitin.^[4] It was widely distributed across rank and division, from elite forces to tank crews and aircraft personnel. Chocolates dosed with methamphetamine were known as Fliegerschokolade (”flyer’s chocolate”) when given to pilots, or Panzerschokolade (”tanker’s chocolate”) when given to tank crews. From 1942 until his death in 1945, Adolf Hitler was given frequent intravenous injections of methamphetamine by his personal physician, Theodor Morell as a treatment for depression and fatigue. It is possible that it was used to treat Hitler’s speculated Parkinson’s disease, or that his Parkinson-like symptoms which developed from 1940 onwards were related to use of methamphetamine.^[5]

Also the drug makes your heart explode. Or as it’s commonly referred to on the internet… asplode!

Don’t Like: Bud Light Lime, Seriously?

I’m kind of barfing looking at this picture.

First off, bud light is disgusting. It’s swilled piss and lack-luster carbonation. It’s like drinking toilet water only it doesn’t hydrate you, make you drunk, and just makes you pee. Add in the fact that I’m not really a big corona with a lime in it guy, then this is definitely a bad idea. I picture it tasting all chemically and awful like Diet Coke w/ Lime or some other awful product created in a lab.

Refreshing? Picture the opposite of refreshing… that would be Bud Light Lime.

Like: THE BALLS OF THIS HEADLINE!

THIS HEADLINE

“Clinton Creaming Obama in Ky”

http://www.kentucky.com/254/story/402089.html

zoinks!

Don’t Like: The Ooze!

Dammit why isn’t the government doing something about the rise of ooze related incident across the city? My friend was driving home the other day and saw a giant armored snapping turtle bite into a telephone pole. It nearly destroyed his car! I won’t get even get into that giant wolf thing. The ooze is bad folks. We have mutant amphibians and mammals running all over the city causing havoc. It’s not like there could possibly be any vigilantes among the beasts! Damnit, why is no one stopping  and no one is doing anything to stop the evil TGRI company from developing it!? And why are they so freaking careless with it? It seems this dangerous mutating chemical is just falling off of trucks every where and landing on animals! What a crazy world!

What’s next? A talking brain in some devo-esque guy’s stomach?

Double Don’t Like: Spraining/Breaking/Busting Up My Thumb Playing Pickup Basketball

Waited an hour to get into a game.

First play.

This sucks.

Expect lots of entries with just me making fun of pictures and not much writing.

Also Don’t Like: Puking for 7 hours. Cause that’s what I did today.

 

Yay food poisoning!

 

Also note: Above figure is for the “toilet snorkel”

It makes no sense here but I love it.