This morning I actually bought a cup of starbucks coffee. This is egregious on several levels. 1) We have free coffee here at work 2) I hate starbucks coffee, it tastes like burnt ass 3) I really just went in to get a croissant cause I was hungry but ended up getting a giant chocolate croissant and “grande” (wtf? that’s medium) cup of coffee 4) I don’t even really like drinking coffee that much and 5) most importantly, there was a defective lid.
Now if Jackie Childs was asking me I would reiterate that I did not put the lid on, they put the lid on. About halfway walking through the courtyard back to my building. I felt a strange sting on my hands only to realize two sides of the cup were gleaking out the sides and croissant bag was wet. Not having any noticeable aid in this matter, I kept walking so I could hurry to the elevator and get to the kitchen on my floor. All the way, burning my hand. The elevator was awkward in that I was trying to shield my obviously leaking coffee. I tried to direct most of it onto the bag, but there were clearly visible problems to these people. So I ran to the kitchen. Found the ONE SPARE paper towel square (as in singular) that was left over and attempted to clean it. Now w/ a counter I felt I could repair the lid which was placed incorrectly.
I did so and kept walking to my desk only to realize the familiar burning sensation had returned. Panicking, I ran to my desk, spilled more, cleaned more, and through that freaking lid in the trash where it deserved to be.
Fuck you defective coffee lid. Fuck you to hell.