Don’t Like: #4, Kobe Bryant (on the list people, all of whom I would Punch if I saw them)

For a blog where I spend half the time bitching about stuff I don’t like, I do try to avoid careless internet asshatery and needless contrarian bullshit, and instead focus on some kind of minuate, or larger theoretical argument. Let’s be honest, often the internet descends into “I HATE YOU’RE YOUR FAVORITE THING!!!!!!!! RARRRRRRRRR! U R GAY!!!!”. I try to avoid that. But… Occasionally I indulge in my more base tendancies. So for this week:

Here’s a list of 5 people I would punch if I saw them.

#4, Kobe Bryant

Reasons: A complete and total sociopath. Seriously, think about it. Isn’t something always off about his behavior? He’s so put on. He’s like a robot in interviews trying to mimic human behaviors and emotions, meanwhile coming off as the most calculated dude ever. He fake laughs too. Fuck, he makes A-Rod seem like George Clooney. He’s never acted like a human being unless he’s yelling or sexually assaulting someone. He also scored 61 points last night and is a great basketball player. IRRELEVANT.

Judgment: American’s have a high tolerance for athlete asshatery. In fact, we often like it (witness: Barkely, Charles). For some reason we will not tolerate a player being a total jerkface as long as their entertaining and truthful. But the second you become a political-answering prop (clearly visable against your inclinations) we immediately hate you. And the more successful you are, the more that spotlight shines, and the more apparent your transparency becomes. Therefore, Kobe, I hate you.

Punishment: PUNCHED.

Difficulty: Probab security team, Very, very tall, He could easily take me.

(Look at this asshole)

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