Don’t Like: Eye Drops AKA My Harrowing Nightmare

April 22, 2009

How freaky is this picture? She’s probably putting lye in his eyeball.

So my eyes have been irritated and red and annoying. So I got eye drops. I’ve never used them before and for good reason… the idea of putting some weird shit on my eyeballs is my harrowing nightmare. Just the act itself is terrifying. Dropping some non-descript solution full of “dextran70” aka “death salt” DIRECTLY ONTO MY EYEBALL is about the scariest thing imaginable. I literally need someone else to do it, not out of fear (I CAN CONQUER ANYTHING!) but because my natural fear makes me so unfathomably bad at dropping it into my eyes, I flounder horribly.


Then again they worked almost immediately and I feel 95% better.

So maybe  it’s a draw.


Don’t Like: My Eyes Hurt and are Messed Up, But It’s Okay, It’s Not Like I Stare At Computer Screens All Day For My Job… Oh Wait.

April 21, 2009

That’s exactly what I do.

… Fuck.

End note:

-above picture is not me, nor is it my gender. However, all the rest is the same as I am currently trapped in 1996.

Like: Patriots’ Day

April 20, 2009

So I got to work this morning and checked my fantasy baseball scores. I was flabbergasted when I realized the red sox game started already. Then I remembered… it was Patriots’ Day. Perhaps, I was too preoccupied remembering it was my dad’s birthday (happy birthday dad) and had completely forgot that it was the greatest day on the Boston calendar.

How did I forget this? Because I live in Los Angeles and no one here gives a shit.

One could say Boston is more influenced because the holiday is meant commemorate the nearby battle of Lexington and Conchord (towns full of assholes, it’s a middlesex league thing… okay that was faux townism) and so there is historical significance yada yada yada.

The real reason it is awesome is because Boston basically shuts down. Most Schools are off. Some workplaces get off. And there is the 10 AM Red Sox game in which something memorable always seems to happen. Better yet there’s the Boston Marathon which is always a wonderful thing to behold (often referred to as MARATHON MONDAY!). Since it runs through the heart of back bay Boston, it effectively shuts down the city. People skip work (or take a break and watch). More importantly, people get drunk. Not just regular drunk. There’s about 9 college on the marathon route, so those kids get “I’m deciding to wake up and go black out by the afternoon” drunk. There’s nothing like watching people celebrate athletic fortitude and talent by skipping out on responsibility and drinking booze.

Patriotic? You betcha.


(note: while it’s not exactly my thing, the fact that for 2009, this all coincides with 4/20 is just absurd. It’s like the perfect storm of debauchery)

Like: Roasted Red Pepper and Tomato Bisque

April 16, 2009

I had this at work today. It was freaking delicious. For some reason it’s also pretty much the only good soup they make.

Tangent: Why is it that vegetable bisques often are more wholly wonderful that seafood bisques? Because seafood bisques are often so rich that you become sick of the taste about halfway through.  Don’t get me wrong, the flavor of a crab or lobster bisque is absolutely delightful… just in mini doses (Thomas Keller knows this… Thomas Keller ENFORCES this). But a vegetable bisque can finish quite nicely. You feel like you’ve eaten a whole meal and not even too full. Often vegetable bisques are healthier too because you need less binding agents to smooth out the soup (seafood ones need a great deal to mute the sharpness of a well-made seafood stock).

Like: Obama Vs. Pirates (Updated: Obama AND Dolphins Vs. Pirates!)

April 14, 2009

I don’t know about you but I find it awesome that Obama actually has to come out with a position on “Pirates.” Not a movie, not the historical fictionalization, but actual pirates ravaging the seas.

1) I’m not a big, “pirates! Awesome!” kind of guy, but that doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate the subtleties of their charm. Most of which involves cantankerousness and scurvy.

2) The reality of pirates is, yeah, pretty crappy. The life of a pirate sucks really bad and they actually kill genuine working, innocent people and all so that pretty much sucks.

But ignoring qualifier #2, it’s awesome Obama had to come up with his “position” on the Pirate problem. Most of this problem has gone largely ignored by America as problems in Africa and Asia increased tenfold; it wasn’t until an American got mixed up in it that we sent the pirate hunting NAVY seal team.

If we ignore the obvious sadness involved and romanticize the shit out of this, than this situation is awesome. Pirates vs. Obama. It’s a reality. A pireality.

UPDATE: Just saw this article via Mefi.

Just incredible and pretty.

The dolphins are coming to our aid!

(one great joke I read in comments: “I’ll be the first to say it, THANKS AQUAMAN!”)

Like: Overblown Opening Day/Week Baseball “Stories”

April 9, 2009


Saying opening day results are prone to hyperbole is like saying I am using a simile right now.

Really,we shouldn’t we be better than this? But hyperbole sells papers and I even seen legit people at least addressing the issue of “well, you want to get off to a good start.” For the fans, yeah sure, whatever. But statistically speaking CC Sabathia has had many awful starts to his seasons. Last year especially and then he got it going on. Texiera is also another notoriously slow starter and yet no one seems to pay attention to these trends.

The fact of the matter is whatever seeming deduction that has come out of the last two days will be supplanted by another one once the week is out. And then another one by the end of the month. Trends will layer themselves and start to define a larger context. That’s baseball. It’s a law of averages, not the recent singular moment. Every guy goes 0-5. Every guy puts together a decent streak. The singular stuff only seems to matter in the post-season.  There’s about 160 games left so let’s wait and see how everyone shapes up.

Just started watching the Red Sox game now. Lester strikes out ANOTHER! CY YOUNG HERE HE COMES!

Like: Generation Kill

April 8, 2009


So I went back and finally finished/re-watched all of Generation Kill.

… Amazing.

For those unaware, Generation Kill (GK)is an HBO miniseries about the invasion of Iraq from the perspective of the 1st marine recon unit (which for the purposes of that war, was basically a marine battalion in Humvees). It was made by David Simon and Ed Burns, the geniuses responsible for the greatest television show of all-time: The Wire. For those who tire of the ham-fisted Iraq politicization  and fictions, GK is about as far from that as you can get. Yes, GK is very much of The Wire formula/sensibility, but the wonderful thing about The Wire formula/sensibility is that is it is inherently designed to mimic the truths and forms of the subject itself. GK does not approach the war and Iraq from an ideological and didactic standpoint, it approaches truths through character. Look, I’m not going to say that Generation Kill is definitive truth or anything that grandiose, but it might be as close as you can get because it approaches its subject from a journalistic standpoint. There is no true intention of GK except to supplement the experience for those who were not there. It simply tries to deal openly and honestly about the condition of singular moments and not to make something accessible, but to make something of the experience that rang true to the marines on the ground. And to be sure what they did was authentic, they had an actual marine in the writing room at all times, as well as original writer  Evan Wright.

Getting to the matter of character: Generation Kill was originally a book written by Evan Wright who was doing an article for Rolling Stone. He ended up riding point Humvee in 1st recon and writing about his experiences. He is represented as a character in the miniseries too (which sort of makes GK is a basically a factual recreation if you will).  And Evan really makes no attempts to prognosticate, but rather to assimilate into the population. He is not really a character in the singular sense, but our observer, like Ishmael in Moby Dick.

The two central figures Wright observes are the two men in the front of said point Humvee: the first is the driver, Cpl. Josh Ray Person,  played by James Ransone (Ziggy from The Wire season 2!). Much like Ziggy, Ray’s entire existence is a force of nature; he is 100% pure black humor. As a recon marine, Ray frequently stares into void of potential death and the reality of killing other human beings, but he only finds inherent irony and silliness. It’s one part coping mechanism and one part destiny: Ray’s predisposition makes him a Marine through and through, it is almost as if it was the only thing he can do. He wants combat. He wants action. He’s also somehow endearing as hell (being funny often helps in that regard), despite completely typifying the titular “Generation Kill.” But that’s the real rub of the title, much like Ray, it is laced with irony. But in truth it is  Sgt. Brad “Iceman” Colbert, played by Alexander Skarsgaard (son of stellan!), who is the most amazing part of GK and the proverbial anchor of the series. Brad brings a deeply parental nature to his team; he leads by example with a serious demeanor, but so much boils under his surface: reservations, contempt at inept officers, rage, fear, and happiness.  It is such an introspective performance; a man who’s has all the reason in the world to be grandiose (considering the grandiose setting and events) and thus has to be muted in order to cope. Alexander/brad is a compassionately brooding figure; also a massive figure, towering above most others (notably: Alexander was a former Swedish marine). To use my favorite saying: he is just stupid good in the role. Really, make no mistake, this is the stuff leading men are made of.  It’s no surprise Kenneth Branaugh is basically going nuts trying to get marvel to sign off his casting of Alexander as motherfucking THOR (it’s perfect).

The two characters of Ray and Brad are somewhat antithetical, yet both are excellent examples of good marines. They are responsible and knowledgeable. They care about their fellow marines. They are great in combat and subvert any of their fears. Truly, they seem to have no fear of death. But there is another member of their point Humvee team and his name is Lance Cpl. Harold James Trombly. He is rather easy right off, because he contains so many qualities that define a scumbag, yet every bit of that is mixed with an oozing innocence. His actions infantile and child-like, but not in an insufferable way, but a vulnerable way. He could be grumbling about wanting to kill dogs, but there is an odd, daft sweetness to his manner. Really Trombly is the kind of guy who’s situation in life never really gave him a shot at being “normal.” But Ray and Brad in thier relative maturity, seem to give him guidence. It’s a very interesting relationship.

Meanwhile, there is also Lt. Nathaniel Fick. He is Superior officer to Brad and the great example of a wonderful leader who tries to serve his men and make the best of his middle management position. Taking orders which put your men in danger are exceptionally difficult choices and most of the time Fick was admirable, and sometimes he let the pressure from above get to him and made mistakes (the “petting a burning dog” moment). But what was most respectable about Fick was that he was always honest with is men and never seemed to think of his career first. But as GK takes the wonderful time to show clearly, Fick’s greatest problem is that when he questions orders (often in the absolute critical interest of his men and their safety) he is regarded as a malcontent who undermines his (incompetent) officers. The best example being the time he was penalized for providing a superior officer from killing himself and everyone in their platoon. How dare he! (Forgive the sarcasm)

All of this makes Fick the shining example of leadership against the bevy of dumbass officers that seemed to populate this marine battalion. To GK‘s credit (or sense of earnest), none of these officers seem to be bad people, but are instead good/delicate/well-intentioned men who simply have no competency or leadership abilities.  It happens all the time in all lines of work; people can be promoted for being good at what they do, but often end up being terrible managers.   One officer was so woefully incompetent that if I ever saw the man Captain America was based on (I don’t care if the actor who played him might have been a little over the top), I would punch that motherfucker in the face. As Captain America was represented in GK, he was an officer who’s absolutely fearfulness of warfare itself, complete over-willingness to fire, lack of regard for prisoners, willingness put others in jeopardy, and constant terror of his superiors officers, made him a perfect storm of recklessness and ineptitude. According to Evan’s account of the battalion, Captain America was directly responsible for more of the Battalion’s  injuries than the enemy (the official Marine account would be very different). It’s just unspeakably disgust.  Slightly more forgivable, however, was Cpt. Craig “Encino Man/Hitman” Schwetje. Yes he was incompetent, often putting his men also in jeopardy (a ridiculously decided danger-close bombing scenario which Fick attempted to subvert was solved purely by Encino Man giving the wrong coordinates), but most of his problems stemmed from his juvenile demeanor and alpha-male boyishness. He’s in a middle-school mindset: stupid and eager to please his officers, but at least he seems somewhat well-intentioned.You get the feeling that while unlikely, he could grow into a better leader. Captain America, however, never belonged in a uniform. And unfortunately the structure of the marines officer system all but ensures he’d stay in one for the remainder of the war.

What is then interesting is seeing the man on top, Lt. Colonel A.K.A. “Godfather” (he has a raspy voice), and his leadership of the battalion.  Godfather does not seem like a particularly unreasonable person, but rather a good motivator who will communicates his intent with clarity and serves his superiors rather well. The problem seems to his structural detachment to both the action and his men. He is far enough removed from what is happening that conflicting accounts of Captain America’s incompetence gives him pause, but not enough to demote or discharge him (which again, should happen). This same dynamic works in an opposite capacity when he hears similar grumblings about Lt. Fick from the incompetent officers that he questioned. Now of course to the audience, the two soldiers are night and day when it comes to serving their country and the Marines, but to Godfather, the breakdown of truth in the military ranks renders the two mutually equal in terms of problems. It seems to be a sin to even suggest that, but that’s the problem: the structure of marine command creates difficulties for both the effectual and ineffectual alike. The problems with emotional detachment are played out in a wonderfully in a  scene when an injured Iraqi child (shot by Trombly) is brought by the unit’s doctor and other morally inclined officers to Godfather’s camp so he can get shipped back to a hospital for medical treatment. Godfather proceeds to give them a long list of reasons why that is implausible and exceptionally difficult from their current position, all of which are surprisingly sound reasons… and then, he gives the OK order anyway. It’s a great moment, but one that highlights the problems of detachment. It’s easy to say “no” when you’re on the phone, not watching a child die when you had the power to do something about it… no matter how problematic that something might be.

There is a larger problem still with Godfather’s detachment, one which has political ramifications. Much of his battle plan is designated from politically inclined generals; many of which he is  eager to impress. The recon marines battle plan for the war instantly becomes haphazard, roaming, and purposeless. They hit political targets yet skim around Iraq barely addressing problems, bombing before investigating, and ignoring problems they themselves create. It is incompetence in its purest form, a basic ignorance of the facts on the field in the pursuit of successes determined in Washington. The war in Iraq was a mad dash to Baghdad and everything since has been a matter of picking up the pieces from that destruction. The Marines regularly lament the cluster-fuck of what is occurring when compared to the skillfully executed missions they performed in Afghanistan. This isn’t a political reality. This is a reality of warfare. We see it time and time again in the trials of these recon marines. Were they to stay and handle a situation at hand, the situation could be solved and they could move on in good tactical conscience and good conscience at large. Which is exactly what the tactic became during the surge, you know, the moment where the war turned around and genuinely started to be rebuilt… it just took 4 years for the top brass to figure it out.  Meanwhile, these guys knew it the moment they got into the cities.

Look, the problems of the officer/soldier dynamic is nothing new. TS Elliot perhaps illustrated it best in The Hollowmen as had Coppola in the Apocalypse Now, as had Kubrick in Paths of Glory. But those were, well, artistic representations of a larger truth. They were inherently constructed. Not to get all non-fiction-vs.-fictiony, but what I liked about GK was that the examples of the officer/soldier dynamic are soundly concrete. The examples are factual, yet provide complete metaphorical representation of the larger political problems of the war. We rushed into a Iraq for perhaps unsound reasons, and then then competent, tactical soldiers had to deal with the consequences on the ground.  But of course things are never that cut and dry. Much like The Wire, Simon and Burns always let reality get in the way of any point they may try to make. The best example I can think of and most beautiful moment of the entire series deals with an officer whose name I can’t find (d’oh!) but he was the one complete and total asshole who always gave people crap about the marine dress code. He’s the complete stereotype of the hard-ass how harps on completely unimportant things and chews his men out. He’s in the mold of Lee Emory, almost acting as if that man was his hero. But near the end of the series, after a few marine injuries and some static development leave the Battalion’s morale rather low, the Asshole Dress Code Officer guy goes up to his fellow officer and has the following exchange:


Asshole Officer: Morale seems pretty low.

Other Officer: Yeah things look rough.

Asshole Officer: Well if things get any worse I can start harping on the dress code again.

[They share a wry smile]

… honestly it made me a bit teary.  It’s a kind of ego-sacrifice that you rarely see in real life. The Asshole Officer was willing to be “the asshole officer” for the greater sake of the men. The character is fully conscious of his effect and it’s wonderful to see, especially when many of the other officers (like Encino Man) are defined by their ego-centrism.   Ultimately, that’s what Simon and Burns have an amazing ability to do. They take some one who would either be a cut and dry asshole and they humanize him without ever dipping into forceful schmaltz (which the moment could have easily been and even slightly reads like in my summary. It wasn’t. It was great).

I think that’s all I have to say…

Generation Kill is amazing.

-I may be mixing up my use of the word battalion, so anyone please correct me if I’m wrong.